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Sunday, March 26th, 2006
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10:51 pm - I can almost see the light...
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Ok so I will officially done with school in less than three weeks! How fucking wonderful is that!
Written econ comps wednesday, followed by orals in econ and business the next two mondays and i'm done!
Yeah!!!! I don't graduate till May, but thats ok!
Hey Brian...I updated!
Hahah!
I have almost reached the end of the tunnel!
KISSES
current mood:  accomplished
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| Friday, September 30th, 2005
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11:16 am - Braveheart meets carebears
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Hello all...
Wow, what a week it has been. For all that do not know, I have been disaffiliated from my sorority since graduation last year... uh... because i am a gamma chi. That basically means i am a counselor for the new girls going through recruitment.
So today is the big day! Bid Day, or night rather. At 5 I will pick up the girls' bids and deliver them. At 6 we will run to our sororities! GOOD STUFF! I'm so excited!
Let the fun begin!
current mood:  loved
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| Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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2:41 pm - i don't believe there is such a thing as greener grass...
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Yeah... I am such a fucking idiot.
I'm done.
That's about it I guess. I sounded like such a jerk when I was in Europe. I guess all those british accents got to me!!
HAHA...
I still believe a saying I used to quote a really long time ago... If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they are yours to keep, if they don't... THEY WERE NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH.
and i'm ok with that.
fuck the grass and frolick naked!
Frolicking naked is where it's at!
current mood:  horny
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| Friday, August 12th, 2005
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1:22 am - and the world keeps spinning...
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Funning story...
I am a very loud outspoken person and when i know what i want, i know what i want. I'm no longer afraid to go out and get it...and to me, that is impowering.
Ian used to say to me when i would get upset if something wasn't going my way, "yeah julye, the world revolves around you." ... YEs it does thank you! :)
I can't really explain the feeling I have right now. I guess I sort of have a feeling of passion, maybe? I just feel like I do have control over the situation at hand and I can pull through.
You see i realized something. Love is on my side. And truly it is more powerful than anything. Being apart from Ian has shown me how muuch i love him and talking to him on aim the other night has lead me to believe there is hope. i know he loves me still, he ended our conversation with love you... causually, but strongly heard... which i believe it was meant to be.
Ok, sorry I'm blabbing on and on. The whole point is that i feel like i can do what i need to do to make myself happy again... so for that reason i am looking forward to going back to the states. I wonder what ian would think if he ever read my randon thoughts i write in here? Maybe one day i'll let him read them! :) BUt for now remember:
YOU MISS 100% OF THE SHOTS YOU NEVER TAKE
remember that and don't forget that nomatter what is going on with you, the world keeps on spinning.... around me of course.. ;)
current mood:  hopeful... yeah, hopeful
current music: the english air around me...
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| Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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12:30 am - do i have to go home?...
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So i keep vowing to be diligent about this journal thing and honestly i just keep forgetting about it....
Well, I have been in Europe for about 38 days now. It has been so much fun. I started out in London. Yes i was there for the bombings. The bus explosion actually took place on the same block my classroom was on. We heard and felt the bomb. I went to amsterdam for a weekend trip and then after two weeks in london spent two weeks in germany. I took a weekend to prague, czech republic and then finished the school trip with a week in italy. WEll, now the school part of my trip is over. I am staying back in the UK at Callie's mom's house. We are having lots of fun but there is one problem... everyone speaks with a british accent. That means everyone reminds me of Ian's family, which means everything reminds me of Ian. I have tried so hard to not think about him, but the feelings i have for him won't go away.
Do you ever wish you could stop and start all over again? Sometimes I do, but then i think, he will come back to me if we are meant to be together...well, does that mean i sit back and do nothing, or does that mean i put forth effort so he knows.... i wish i knew what to do.
What is so hard is that i know he still loves me, you dont just fall out of love with someone that easily and honestly i do believe, if given another chance, we would work... we would get married and live happily ever after... i honestly believe that. I would not want to pursue him if i didnt think so.
You see i feel like i had my second chance with him once, and it was bad timing i guess.. no, I'm lying, I was scared... i was terrified of getting hurt again. I wasnt trying to hurt him, but then he started dating someone else... now im sure she is a great girl, but i am certain that she doesnt love him like i do... no one can love ian the way i do. it is so strong, the love is so strong i feel like i am going to explode because i cant show him how much i love him.
Ok, well i am in europe still and honestly i don;t want to go home...because i have nothing to go home to. i wish my fairy godmother would wave her magic wand and i could go home to ian, but that won't happen.
i love him. i dont care what has happened. we have both made mistakes, he cheated on me, but i forgave him... i started seeing a guy right after we broke up and i want to be forgivin for that too. I just wish he knew how hard i would fight to make things work out this time.
dammit... i am so in love with him still. i wish he could see it. if he would only open himself up to me again he would feel it too... there is no doubt in my mind... none.
ian i know you still love me and i still love you too. I know that if you would put down your walls and stop being afraid to let yourself love me again we could start over. we would have fun again, just like in the beginning, but this time therre would be no mistakes, because we have already made them. we know what to do and what not to do... that is the beauty of it. we could be perfect and happy. ian please let me love you again. let me prove toyou how much i am still yours..
that is what i wuold say to him if i could talk to him.
so for now i am alone staring at the computer hating myself for ever breaking up with ian. but hating myself even more for being in love with ian still and not knowing what to do about it....
current mood:  sad
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| Friday, April 8th, 2005
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11:57 am - ...still waiting on the aliens...
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RIght... so when i say i am a drama queen... i most definetly am a drama queen. Where do I begin...so in my last entry i meantioned that i had to break up with a guy because i decided i wanted to be back with ian. For all of you who don't know, ian is the guy that i was engaged to and who i had almost dated for three years. I broke up with him the beginning of February and immediately jumped into another relationship. I know that was a bad call, but what do they say... hind site is twenty twenty. Anyways, so i broke up with that guy for Ian and then ian started acting funny, so i was like, "ian let's just be friends and what happens happens." APparently that upset him because he had already decided he wanted to be more than friends. Don't get me wrong, i did too, but the way he acted that day caused me to put a wall up against him. So i didn't call him again... i waited for him to call me. Yesterday was a week from that day and still no phone call, so i sucked it up, grew some balls and called him ... again. \
Ok......so im terribly upset right now... it's like i wanted him to drop everything when i called... i know, i know, awfully bold of myself. He wouldn't... i spoke to him very briefly, but he told me he had plans, so i couldn't say all i needed to say. OMG... honestly, what is wrong with me...
So i'm scared i may have blown my only chance to get back with him. Which was last week... just one week... but it could cost me an eternity. AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Ok, a week ago, when ian and i were talking he had told me that while we were split up that he had hooked up (no sex) with this girl named Kat. He said, in his own words, that they were just having a good time and "he didn't mean anything to her." ... remember that.....
Ok, so yesterday he tells me that he and her are "seeing each other now"... Okk, tell me how in a week's time that changes. Here is what I think.... I think that he is using her to get over me just as i used patrick to get over him.
The problem is i know he loves me but last weeks incident and not speaking to him for a week may have wrecked any chance i had.
HOW do i get through to him... how do i explain to him that i'm not scared anymore, i want to give myself back to him... how do i get it across to him...........
Ian I love you.... I wished you would give me one more chance... iknow i don't deserve it.....but i really want it...
current mood:  depressed
current music: feels like home
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| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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9:31 pm - I guess I just love drama...
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Ok so apparently I love drama... I really love drama. As most everyone knows, I have been engaged for the better part of three years. Well about, uh, two months ago i broke up with him. It was really hard but I had to do it... I couldn't see myself marrying him anymore...it wasn't fair to him to stay with him. I met this other guy shortly afterwards that worked with me at Mac Grill. He is completely in love with me and I'm not exagerating. Honestly he is and the bad part is is that i haven't been dating him very long and he appartently already feels this way. I like him alot too... or shall I say at first i liked him a whole lot, but never as much as he liked me. Alright, where here comes the drama... about a week ago I realized I was completely in love with Ian still. (the ex-fiance). I can't get him off my mind. IT's weird but every single thing reminded me of him so I texted messaged him 'i miss you'. Ok, so I'm gonna make a long story short. I saw Ian and realized that us being apart, though it wasn't a mistake, it also wasn't permenant. I'm not completely sure but i think i want to be back with him. So how do i get rid of a guy that is commpletely in love with me? who knows? tell ya later
current mood:  confused
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| Saturday, March 19th, 2005
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6:37 pm - hello again
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Wow.... It's crazy when your mind drifts back to the past and you remember that you actually have a live journal... crazy...
So maybe I'll start writing in this thing again. I'm on my spring break right now fun fun... and i am trying to find something to do...
but ill write more later
holla
jules
current mood:  bouncy
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2003
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3:25 pm - You do the HOkey Pokey and you turn yourself around...
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I am sitting alone in my room thinking about how much work i have to do. But it doesn't matter, because my mind keeps drifting back to the past. Talking to Haley today brought it all back again. I even dreamed about it. It hurts so bad to here Haley and a couple of other good friends talk about him. She talked about the way he used to talk about me. THe other two guys always tell me how much happier we were then. R believes we are soul mates and will get back together one day.... I say i couldn't be that lucky. I just want his friendship. I wanna hear his voice and see his smile. Last semester for my LS class i had to write a paper -- a personal narrative. I wrote it about him and titled it "unhappily ever after". It is the most real and the saddest thing i have ever written.
People always ask about him when they see his picture which is still framed in my dorm room and I still say that he is the love of my life. And i tell them if he was to call me right now at this very moment and ask me to go away with him, I would grab my keys and leave everything behind...i woulnt look back..
But the reality is its over. It has been and it always will be no matter how bad i hate it. I still love him and it hurts to admit it...and it's all my own fault.
Anways.......
..And that's what it;s all about...
current mood: crushed
current music: Hanging by a moment
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| Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
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11:57 pm - Widespread Panic.....gasp
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OH MY GOD! Widespread panic is the shit......... i went to their concert in memphis this weekend it is rocked so much!
I went with Ellen and Jon Micheal from back home, but i met up with my favorite people in the world, my new hope boys. wow i love those guys!
THE CONCERT KICKED SO MUCH ASS >>>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
later
current mood: drunk
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| Saturday, November 9th, 2002
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10:59 pm - see what had happened was...
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Yeah so, I haven't written in this in forever. I just wanted to give a big shout out to all my MSMS peeps who I miss so much! millsaps is great and you should all come and see me soon! (and Tom too) Anywho, and to that one friend who was always so special to me, who now wishes to stand in the shadows, you know who you are. I don't know if you ever read this anymore or not but if you do i just wanted to tell you that I still lvoe you and you will always be my friend. I will always be here for you when you need me. Just don't forget that.
Ok, but n-e-ways! Panic this coming weekend in mempho with Ellen! hell yeah!
Be good everybody...don't do anything i wouldn't do...in other words, do whatever you want and have a hell of a lot of fun doing it!
love you guys!
current mood:  crazy
current music: AHHHHHHHHH
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| Tuesday, September 24th, 2002
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12:55 pm - Smitten
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Wow... can you believe it? I am completely smitten over a boy. I have been in school for about, damn, I guess about a month and a half. Well, Like last week I met this boy at El Ranchero. Me, two other girl friends, and about 30 of my freshman boys decided to throw a "rushee" bash on a monday night. So in the wild, drunken haze I met Andrew. No, big deal, thought nothing of it. Then later on that week we had a "voices and visions" group party at Raigan's house. Anywho, so this boy, Andrew, was kinda flirting with me all night, and I was doing the same. Skip to the weekend....BId day was saturday...which was awesome. SO that means HUGE parties that night. (talk about that later) ANwho, the SAE's are my boys, but Andrew is a KA. I got a phone call while i was at the SAE house from ANdrew to come to the KA house. So, without hesitation, i did. That started it. He was all over me. He is so sweet to me. I can't even explain it all. He will just put his arms around me and kiss me.
Yesterday, a lot of shit went down and I was really upset about it. I called him to see what he was doing and he was fixing to leave to go to the house. He could tell something was wrong immediatly. He asked me if i wanted to talk, but i told him no if he was fixing to leave. He said that he had time to talk to me. HE immediatly came up to the third floor and consoled me. WOW! he is so wonderful. Even last night, at around 1:30 when he got in, even though I was asleep, he came to my room to see with.
He is so wonderful... fingers crossed....... OH, did I mention he is 6'10"....yeah, he plays basketball and has to bend down to walk through doorways....and he is from Houston.....
im completely smitten
current mood: giddy
current music: I did it- DMB
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| Saturday, September 7th, 2002
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5:39 am - WoW
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I just have to say that it is 538 am and I just got back to my dorm. Damn. Thats the only word that I need to describe tonight. Damn, I love college!
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: system of the down
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| Sunday, August 11th, 2002
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10:16 pm - Fun stuff
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So.......I went up to Columbus for Junior Follies this past week. I had a quite suprisingly good time. The first night at Nick's house we had a big party and Matthew Kevin was there...normally a bad thing right? Well, believe it or not, it was a good thing this time. We just started chatting (Betsy and a few other people had different opions as to what we were doing, but who listens to sheep) Anywho, we talked for hours, just chilling. That night everyone had assed out except for me, matthew kevin, tom, lauren, kyle, T.Webb, Jared, and Chet. We had an american chip fight and everything. When we finally got asleep around 7, I was in the same bed as Matthew Kevin....not being pissed at him, but we really had a great time bullshiting and clowning on tom. I am really really glad we are on speaking terms again and we can be friends again!
The next night kinda sucked. But i got to see Lance during the day and chuck d came by to see me :) I even went by jeremy's new tattoo shop and he changed my ring out!
ok i am so sleepy.......
later
current mood:  cheerful
current music: I'm actually watching Lord of the Rings
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| Friday, August 2nd, 2002
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12:56 am - For R-dawgg
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This entry is completely dedicater to ryan mahan.
I love you Ryan. I miss you so much. I am really upset that you will not be at Millsaps with me next year. You can ask Om, when we were walking around the campus I kept talking about you and how sad i was that you weren't going to be with me.
I love you babe, you betteer stay in touch with me.
I can't wait to see you again!
kisses
iluvu
Julye
current mood: content
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| Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
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1:03 am - What a way to top off a weekend!
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So, this weekend was a blast! Which is a sigh of relief from most of the other weekends I have been having in the poverty-striken, redneck-filled, middle-of-nowhere place we like to called the imfamous "DELTA"! Yeah, it blows...big hairy japanese balls (right becky sue?)
Anywho, I went to cleveland with my friends from clarksdale to our friend steven;s house. There I met a lot of new people and I had so much fun that I came back the next day! I met a beautiful boy named Mike. he is 6'7"...oh baby oh baby! that is all i need to say.
well, i bought a new video camera friday and we played with it all night at the party, so the next morning all the hung over sober partiers got to watch their drunk asses the night before....it was funny as Hell!
and now....THE TOP OFF OF THE WEEKEND>>>>>>>>
you will never guess who called me today........LANCE! oh, my ! I could not believe it, it caught me SO off guard. I didn't know what to say. The crazy thing is i was already planning on driving up to see BS this week and then randomly Lance calls me and wants me to hang out with him....CRAZY! Yeah, so i will let you know how that turns out..........
Ok, well I head out for starkville tomorrow afternoon.........wish me luck....
later
current mood: anxious
current music: Bad Ronald- Let's begin (shoot the shit)
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| Sunday, June 30th, 2002
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11:14 pm - WoW
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So, this is how it goes...
Last night my best friend from Clarksdale confessed his undying love for me.....SHIT!
KYle got drunk and as I was leaving town called to tell me all of this. He said blah blah blah....how much i mean to him, but how i was his best friend too. it was crrazy. He asked me what he was to mee...i was honest. I said," kyle you are my besst friend, i love you and would lay down my life for you.." Then (unfortunetly) i turned back around and asked him the same. He said to me one word..."Everything"...
WowW!!! I didnt know what to say....he is JUST my best friend. I love him to death and i would just never want to lose him.
anywho, crazy stuff............SUMMER>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
current mood: confused
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| Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
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2:11 am - Hello again
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********DAMMIT*************exactly
current mood:  annoyed
current music: John Denver---Leaving on a jetplane
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| Sunday, June 9th, 2002
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10:33 pm - fun times in Panama City
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see what had happened was...MSMS students went wild in FLorida for a week and it kicked ass!
so we partied it up on the beach. I got a tattoo! yeah for me! It''s really cool looking, i really like it and so did everybody else!
everyone should be proud, no random hookups for me! (Tom doesn't count regardless of what hhhe says!!
me kyle tom and darcy went to the jackson zoo the saturday we got back and i stayed the night at kyle's house. good stuff
yeah so i dont really have anything to write
later
current mood: awake
current music: peaches and cream
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| Thursday, May 2nd, 2002
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3:18 pm - Dedicated to my favorite becky sue
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This is my response to Becky sue's last journal entry...I started writing it for just her, but then i thought i would share it with everybody
You know what becky sue, it is kinda crazy...I don't want to be here either...i just want to go home to my old friends that always made me happy, but at the same time, i am so scared to leave...what is life without kyle and nick humping each other, what is life without the POSSE living together intimidating people and stuff, shit, how am i gonna live without signing out (ok, so maybe i can do without that one) but everything else, the fights on the lawn, late night orgies, uh, i mean, drunken party nights, i am gonna miss it. No matter how bad i want to go, i want the fun times to stay. I mean who am i gonna have to steal my clothes? THey will never get worn now! I m gonna miss you and everyone else so much.....
I try not to think about it, but I can not help it...
it is all gonna be over soon and we can never go back....
i love you and everybody else and i don't know how i can make it without you all!
i love you all!!!!
current mood: excited
current music: jezebell
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